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Monday, October 13, 2014

When Words are Hard and Staying Busy is Easy

Words are hard sometimes. Really hard. 

I know any writer would agree with me. And although I don't consider myself a writer by any means, I love to write, journal, and day dream, so writer's block hits me too. I find there's a fine line between being dried up on the creative front and being in the middle of a writer's block, because I can still write in this state of confusion. My journal is still being filled up. It just seems dull to me. My sparkle is gone and what good is a post without a little bit of sparkle? I'm missing that extra "umph" that makes it more than just words on a screen or on a page. 

I tweeted the other day about this issue I've been having and got lots of suggestions on how to feed my creativity--reading (books, magazines, recipes, label of ingredients, anything!) listening to music, surrounding myself with uplifting people, etc. And those are all so true. I've been spending my free time lately in my "writing spot" just hoping inspiration would strike.


And then I read this post from my most awesome friend Ashten about being in "limbo" and it's as if she read my mind and took my thoughts and wrote about them. 

I poured my third cup (yes, third...don't judge) of coffee and sat back to just think. I spent a lot of time yesterday just praying. Praying that the Lord would open doors for me. Praying that the Lord would help me to find my spark again, to give me the desire to write and write with a purpose. Praying that He would use me in a way that I never expected. 

As I'm praying all of this, He ever so gently reminded me of my busy-ness. I always have something to do. My off days are usually planned from start to end, just to be doing something, just to avoid the couch, just to avoid the feeling of "lazy."  And you know what? There's a difference in good busy and bad busy. There's the kind of busy that stimulates you and grows you and make you work harder and reach farther for what you have your heart set on. Then there's the kind of busy that becomes monotonous, something to do just to say you've done it. Meetings, dinners, obligations that are strictly that--obligations. 

No wonder I'm drained and spent. I go, go, go and never plug in and refresh--and therefore my writing, my cooking, my day dreaming, my relationships--really, my life--suffers. Like Ashten said, I'm a lifestyle blogger who has no real "lifestyle" to speak of--my calendar would bore you, because I'm pouring myself into things that don't matter. And the things that do matter? I'm half-heartedly doing because I don't have the time to put my full attention towards. 

When life is good, I'm inspired and I write. Inspiration strikes me on both spectrums, the good and the bad of life. There's not much of a creative process to it; it comes out of interactions, thoughts, dreams, and lessons. My journal gets the first draft, then my blog gets the ones that come next. When life is hard, my journal gets more action than ever, and my writing thrives, then too. But that in between is when I flounder, when I don't know where to turn next and feel ludicrous to think I could ever be deemed a "writer." That in between is when I have to dig deep and create something good from where I am, from the season I'm in, from the people I'm surrounded by. 

So that's where I am now. I don't want to make some huge, dramatic gesture of saying "from now on, I'll only do things that make me better" because come on, that's just not realistic.   Life doesn't work that way. But when I sit back and really ponder on it, that's really the basis of it all, if we're honest with ourselves. That's what I should be doing, as crazy and absurd as the idea sounds. I think it's time to start focusing my attention, my heart, my actions, and my time on that way of thinking--does this make me a better person? Does this bring glory to God? Does this further relationships that matter? Am I just staying busy to be busy?

And wouldn't you know, that busy-ness I talk of gets right in the way of my creative process, in the way my brain works, in the way I deal with life, struggle, happiness, and so on. 

Do you fall prey to the "sin of being busy"? Is that something you struggle with in your life? If so, how to do you deal with it? I'd love to hear your tips! Xoxo

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