There are days when I just get caught up in the monotony of what's going on in my life. I just check things off a to do list, only to say I've done it; the same thing day in and day out. Yet I fall prey to this way of life and feel comfortable with it, because it's all that I know.
There are days when I pray for God to use me in a radical way, days when I feel like I'm not living up to the potential that God has in store for me. And I even keep asking Him to open doors for me, to make me into the woman He planned for me to be--but am I really open and ready for that? Am I subconsciously putting my foot in that doorway and keeping that door shut?
Sometimes I just feel like I'm asking Him this out of selfish desires. Is that really what my heart wants? I say yes, but when the Lord gives me opportunities or presents situations to me, do I answer? Do I listen? Do I act? The answer is probably no.
I dream to grow into a woman who seeks God all day long; who is in constant conversation with the Lord on a daily basis. Sure, I have good days when I feel close to Him, but then I have others when I don't. I want to be the kind of woman that friends gravitate towards, because I radiate joy. Pure joy. Those women's lives seem effortless and I know it's because they've opened up their hearts to what God says and they just say yes with a smile, knowing He has something big in store.
Is this life all that God has planned for me? If so, that's perfectly fine. I just have this feeling deep down that God is preparing me for something more, something greater. My biggest prayer lately is for God to make me brave. We have this hanging above our bed, and I see it every morning.
What's the missing link? Where am I going wrong? I think I'm not as open as I think I am to God's calling. I think I let myself get too busy sometimes to make out His voices in the midst of the hundreds of others that are pulling me every other direction. I think we all fall prey to this sometimes--trying to "simplify" leads to more clutter. We just jumble everything up more.
Potential. It's a daunting word. Potential involves change, and I'm not always the biggest fan of change. Change is a journey and it's not always the easiest one.
I think I'm in the middle right now. Somewhere between God starting His work in me and the finished product. But then again I guess we all are in the middle. And while I'm here, I'm going to work on having a willing heart.
This place in my life requires bravery. It requires me to let go of the chains holding me back and just decide to be brave. To discern what God is speaking into me and follow Him without abandon. One of my greatest fears is missing out on something incredible because I was too hesitant to put on His bravery and just say yes to what God was calling me to.
There's something stirring deep inside of me that is ready to live out my potential, even when it takes me out of what I know as comfortable. Because that's when God is most glorified in us, when we follow where He leads. I have a feeling I'm going to find my potential, but it's going to be just outside of my comfort zone. I think I'm ready for the adventure.
He makes me brave. I'm waking up today choosing to be brave. Today, I'm asking Him to open doors and make me uncomfortable and push me to those places I'm not ready for. I want Him to keep pruning me and making me into a better me.