A Letter to My Single Girlfriends

To my single girlfriends,

I've been in your shoes before. You feel like all of your friends are coupling off, one by one, until you're the only single one left. Single. Who knew you could hate a word so much? It's discouraging and disheartening; and although you're happy for them, you can't help but wonder when it will be your time. Sure, you don't mind being the third, fifth, or even seventh wheel, but it gets old after a little while. And we know that you'd rather stay home than hang out with us all the time. I hated that feeling.

The cliches get old--"You'll find someone when you stop looking" or "God has a plan for you, just keep praying for the One." Or my favorite, "You have to be happy with yourself first!" All you can do is smile and nod, knowing they're just trying to be supportive, but quietly, you're just wanting to punch someone. Cliches seem to make it worse, don't they?

And sure, you don't feel this way all the time. Just when weddings, events, or holidays come around...or when you're out with friends and you're the only uncoupled one there...or when your great aunt asks when you're "finally going to settle down." Isn't it funny how everyone else in your life assumes they can "fix" your singleness for you?

Friend, I understand. I promise, I do. People like to think that just because I'm married now, all my single years are erased. They're not. I remember them all, even the ones I'd like to choose to forget. Those feelings are hard to get rid of, because that hurt goes a lot deeper than most realize.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you, because you've heard it before. It may be true, but it's been said already. I'm also not going to try to hook you up with a guy I know or suggest you try online dating. I'm not here to "fix" anything, because really, there's nothing to be fixed. You're awesome and fantastic on your own--you need to remember that. 

I do have a few things to tell you though, and I want you to listen closely. 

I want you to know that you are loved and you are wanted. You are fantastic. A guy doesn't measure your worth, as easy as it is to fall into that way of thinking. You're better than that. You're probably thinking, "Of course, I know that, Rachel" but I want you to really remember that when your heart is hurting. Place those words in your heart and hold onto them, because one day you'll forget that.

Don't cringe every time you hear that another friend is engaged. Just smile and celebrate with them, because one day, they'll be there to celebrate with you and it'll all come full circle. Trust me, you'll want those friends around you. And I guarantee they'll be so happy for you, because you deserve to be happy. Life is too short to sit out on a celebration--put on a pretty dress, throw on a big smile, and have a blast. Your day will come.

Don't stop living your life. Don't think that just because you're single, you shouldn't travel to Italy or buy a home of your own or take a cooking class you've been dying to take. Do all of those things. Go to places you want to visit (and take me with you!) and do things that make you uncomfortable. I'm one of those souls that believes God puts opportunities in our lives to make us better and to expose us to people we wouldn't have met otherwise. Who knows if Mr. Right is sitting in that cooking class you're afraid to try on your own. Or maybe he's at that party at a friend's house that you don't want to go to. Say yes to things and you never know what will unfold. God has a plan, I promise. 

There's a guy out there who is going to make you realize why God made you wait. He's going to be more than that checklist we all had in our minds on our future husbands. He's going to turn your world upside down and change your heart and make you think you were crazy to ever have wanted any other man. I can't wait to be there to see this happen...and I'm going to hug you and celebrate with you and say, "I told you so!" anyway.

You are loved and you are wanted, sweet friend. And I'll never stop praying for the man who will be your husband. 

Your friend,

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